We are pleased to present the final installment of Katie Byrnes' Things That Make You Go Hmmm:

47. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for

China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly

certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

48. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?

Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and

goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone

and run away?

49. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not

seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

50. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she

hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light

internet stalking.

51. I really like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on

shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

52. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising

speed for pedophiles...

53. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate

drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate

cyclists.

54. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still

not know what time it is.

55. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

56. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not

to answer when they call.

57. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a

kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem

from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

58. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what

to do with it.

59. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car

keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the

Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze

button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time

every time...

60. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day, "Dad, what

would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to

that?

61. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and

the link takes me to a video instead of text.

62. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone

they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

63. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

64. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or

Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

65. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag,

saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,

someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think

about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people

eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by

myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard

before dinner.

Tonight/Jan. 8    MARCIA BALL - The Plaza Theatre

Tonight/Jan. 8    BOB NEWHART - Peabody Auditorium

Jan 13   STEVEN WRIGHT - Hard Rock Live!

Jan 13   GOLDEN DRAGON ACROBATS - King Center

Jan 13 & 14   LILY TOMLIN - The Lakeland Center

Jan 14   PROJECT RUNWAY with Orlando's Jesse Lenoir - Lifetime TV

Jan 20   PHANTOM - Bob Carr Performing Arts Center

Jan 23   KENNY G   Hard Rock Live!

Jan 26   BEING JOHN MALKOVICH - Enzian

Jan. 29   FIVE WOMEN WEARING THE SAME DRESS -Breakthrough Theater

Feb. 10 ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL - Orlando Shakes

Feb. 12   FIDDLER ON THE ROOF - Osceola Performing Arts Center

Feb. 12   THE FANTASTICKS - Theatre Downtown

Feb. 13   HARRY CONICK, JR. - King Center

All's Well That Ends Well - "I'll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly."

Once again WANZIE PRESENTS has gone out on a limb, and we are bringing in great talent from out-of-town at considerable expense to us.

Kenny and I really hope you will support our efforts and avail yourselves to three upcoming great attractions we have gone to great lengths and expense to secure; negotiating, pestering, paying royalties, financing flights, etc.

Obviously we do not set a ticket price that is a means for us to profit heavily on these out-of-town bookings, but rather we set a price to make the attractions as affordable to our patrons as is possible, while still covering our costs, and hopefully, retaining something that allows me to eat somewhere other than the Rainbow Café once in awhile.  One of the ways in which we are able to keep ticket prices reasonable is by not spending a great deal on print advertising - thus we really REALLY do rely very heavily on our WANZeGRAM subscriber base, and the good will of our friends with arts-related web sites and mailing lists to help spread the word and hopefully fill the Footlight Theatre for these special events. We are grateful for our advertising exchange with What's Happening Magazine, and for the theatre listings in the Orlando Sentinel, The Orlando Weekly, and Watermark.

In the past we have been pleased to bring you Seth Rudetsky Deconstructing Broadway, Anthony Johnson From YouTube to You, Mother/Son, Varla Jean Merman, and Leslie Jordon: My Trip Down The Pink Carpet. We thank you for your patronage at those events. We want to keep booking-in more special attractions in addition to providing an ongoing platform for our local artists at The Footlight Theatre. But we can't do it without you!

So please come out and see THE BLUE LAGOON: A MUSICAL if you are able to do so. We would so love to have a good house for the opening tomorrow night. It would mean a great deal to Kenny and me, as well as to our New York guest actors. The tickets are only $12; no more than we often charge for local shows with no travel expenses involved, and no royalties to pay. The show is a hysterical one-act musical revue, wonderfully and playfully written by Mr. Padget, and whimsically staged by Kenny Howard, and hysterically performed by the actors. The show is not terribly lengthy, so we've added Jeff Jones as an opening act to give you a full program of entertainment for only 12 bucks. I want to personally thank The Closing Agent and Barry Miller for helping to underwrite a portion of the travel and productions expenses to help us keep a lid on the ticket price. Thanks also, as usual, go to the ongoing support of Realtor David Dorman, and to the Parliament House and their new Orlando Now publication.

One of the two Blue Lagoon actors - Cutie Patootie Anthony Johnson - will also be presenting a one-man Cabaret act on this Sunday with John deHaas accompanying on keyboards. That ticket is only $10.

Finally - we are bringing in Gay Pimp Jonny McGovern on Saturday, January 23 only! This crazy phenomenally funny star of Logo's Big Sketch Comedy Show and his own Music Videos is being brought to you at the Footlight Theater for only $20!

On our various trips to New York, Kenny and/or I have managed to make some happy acquaintances, and with the aid of a little sweet talk and the lure of a mini-vacation in the Florida Sunshine, [editor's note: The forecast calls for a chance of snow flurries on Saturday morning WTF!] we have been able to bring great performers into a much smaller and more intimate venue (The Footlight Theatre) than they would normally play, and at a price less than they would normally charge in an even larger venue - offering a really unbeatable theater-going experience for our patrons. But as most of you know, I operate WANZIE PRESENTS from my bedroom and a U-haul storage unit on a wing and a prayer, and hopefully a measure of talent, the best of which is my ability to surround myself with talented people. But one wrong guess about what you will come see when booking these out-of-town attractions could totally do me in.

So please come out and see these shows!

Please tell everyone you know about them.

Drag people with you to see them.

And if you do, we can keep booking 'em!

Thanks for your continued consideration and support.

All tickets are available at www.WANZIE.com/boxoffice

Hope to see many of you tomorrow night.

I'm WANZIE, And That's All I Wrote!

PS. Doug and Sam Singhaus and I are going to see Lilly Tomlin at The Lakeland Center on Thursday, January 14. We've already got our tickets, but we think it would be fun to have an Orlando contingency to meet up with before, during, and after. Get your own tickets and write to let me know if you are going, and we'll work out the meeting-up details.